Is it just me?

We tried a new recipe this week.  One pot and one word.  Good.  So good.  It's kind of a spin on a baked ziti that we've done before, but I'm gonna say…try it!  You can make it the morning or ahead of time and freeze, then just bake it up when you're ready.  Try it!!  Let me know what you think…or if you think it's terrible, don't really tell me.  I think you know what I'm looking for here.  How yummy does this look?!

http://www.kitchennostalgia.com/pasta/one-pot-baked-ziti-with-ricotta.html

Ok, now to the meat of my post for today since the recipe I shared is vegetarian.  Man, I crack myself up.

Something has been kind of on my mind and heart lately.  Something that I've just been paying attention to and is becoming kind of a theme in my thoughts.  Then this past week I had a conversation with a sweet friend and fellow mom that really helped me formulate what I've been feeling.  We were talking about honesty in our relationships, especially with other moms and wives.  We agreed on something that struck a cord with me.  We NEED to share with each other.

Do you ever feel like you're the only one feeling a certain way?  No one else is feeling the same as you.  Enter Worry, guilt, frustration, hope, gratitude…and the list goes on (so many feelings).  How much healthier we would be as individuals and a community if we were able to just be truly honest with each other?  Truly.

I think we put on a good front that we're being "honest" when really we still hold on to things.  Things we think we will be judged for, things we are scared of sharing out loud, things we have convinced ourselves we are the only ones dealing with.  But the risk when we hold on to things is that we are isolated.  We allow ourselves to be open up to lies and loneliness.  We should have people in our lives that we can REALLY be honest with.

Listen, I have a pretty great life.  I am completely confident in my husband's love and provision for us, I have two sweet boys that seriously blow my mind with just who they are every single day, and I'm surrounded by a close family that constantly teaches me what unconditional love looks like.  But know this.  I have issues.  I have struggles.  I get grumpy with my kids, miss out on quality time with my husband, miscommunicate more than I'd like to admit, and leave baskets of folded laundry in the basket all week until I have no choice but to empty them to make room for the next 3 loads of laundry.  Is it just me?

I choose to share on social media those things that I really want to remember.  That's my rule.  If it pops up on my "memories" a couple years later…will I want to see it?  But that doesn't mean there aren't a lot of things in between those posts that didn't go exactly as I'd want them to or I wish I could go back in time and handle differently.  Trust me.

It's important that we have people in our lives that know those moments.  The in between moments.  Ones who won't judge you, but affirm you.  One's who know how to be encouraging without being discouraging.  I'm not talking about complaining, nor does it mean that the checker at the grocery store needs to hear how your day really was.  Spare them.  But surround yourself with just one or a few that will hear you.

Conversely, be that friend for others.  Be open to hearing their yucky stuff.  And to hold it close to your heart.  If something is told to you in confidence, keep it that way.  Be that friend.

I have those friends and I'm forever thankful for them.  But I still have to consciously share my truth.  It doesn't come naturally for most of us.  Give it a shot.  You won't regret it.

Lessons within lessons

I love learning.  I like understanding something new and getting to apply it.  I miss school some times for this reason (sometimes).  But, I must say, I only really love learning something new when I'm open and ready and looking for a lesson.  That's not how it works though, is it?

I REALLY love teaching.  Probably more than learning.  It's probably the first born in me (yes, I'm a little bossy).  I love teaching something new and watching people get to apply it.  I should have been a teacher for this reason.  But, I must say, when a lesson I'm teaching directly runs into a lesson for me, it's unsettling.  I know we are always being worked on, even if we're the instructor, but that doesn't make it comfortable.

This lesson within a lesson happened to me this week.  And it was sweet enough that I thought worth sharing.  I have the privilege of getting to lead the lessons for Awana at church each week for K-2nd grade.  It's a true joy.  When I had my babies, God kind of cut me off from all ministry and this has been his gift to me getting to get back into it this way.  I know this is of God because He has clearly laid out for me the lesson plans and each week provides me with what He wants the kids to know.  This past week I thought I knew what He wanted me to teach, but apparently there were other plans.

The lesson was on Gentleness.  The plan was to bring something that was precious to me to the lesson.  I would have the kids pass this precious item around and would ask them to be as gentle as they possible could be.  Then would proceed to teach them on how God is the greatest example of gentleness and asks us to show gentleness to others.  We want others to see God through us.

I chose a ceramic bell with a hummingbird on it.  Here's the one.

It was given to me when my Great-Aunt Norma passed away.  Because it belonged to her it is precious to me, beautiful, and fragile.  I took it from it's safe spot in my china hutch, gently (see what I did there) packed it up and kept it safe all day.  As we were getting out of the car at church, I handed it to someone else (who will remain nameless to protect the innocent) and failed to tell them it was in the bag.  Almost immediately it dropped to the ground.  I didn't think it was broken, until I got it inside and sure enough a big chunk broke off.  I knew right away I couldn't use it for my lesson.  It was sharp and the kids wouldn't be able to touch it.

I was sad.  I had a plan, which I thought was God's plan.  It was something I didn't foresee happening and I wasn't prepared with a plan B.  I was grieving my broken bell and still needing to teach.  Two very special people to me who are a great support, helped me mull it over and eventually hear God's new plan (or maybe his original one).  We ended up passing a regular bell around and the kids had to pass it without making any noise.  They were engaged and excited to try keeping it quiet.  They did a really great job.  I then proceeded with the lesson I originally planned, but with a twist.

At the end of the lesson, I told the kids what had happened with my bell that night.  I told them I was sad, but I was reminded of something very important.  I asked the kids how I could have reacted.  They told me I could have been "mad, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, sad".  And they were right.  I could have easily had those reactions.  But I told them that God reminded me that the person who dropped the bell was so much more important and precious to me than the bell itself.  They didn't drop it on purpose and it was important for me to be "gentle" with their feelings.  I could see the looks on all of their faces and they got it.  Really got it.  Such sweet kiddos…they probably got it faster than I did.

I had left out this very important point from my original lesson plan and would have missed it.  God sacrificed my bell (which can totally be repaired with superglue by the way) to make the lesson work for His purpose.  His plan is perfect.  I'm thankful I didn't miss it after all and I'm thankful the person who dropped it was there to hear the lesson.  I love them.

Let's consciously be gentle with each other's feelings.  In a world that pushes us to think of "me, myself, and I" let's push to show God to others through our gentleness.  Phil 4:5 says "Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near."

And let's always be on the ready for our lessons within lessons.  He's always working on more than one person at a time.  Even if it's uncomfortable.

And my sweet hubby patched it up, by the way.  It's back in the hutch where it belongs and may not come out ever again.

New year, new goals

I've decided to start a blog.  Really that means starting a journal.  And since the journal I've always had kind of going has had maybe 1-4 entries each year, then I expect this blog idea to really take off. (insert laugh track)

Not expecting anyone to feel obligated to read and not expecting to have an audience, but expect to process feelings and ideas.  Hoping maybe others can relate.

Why is it that with the new year, we feel so empowered to make new choices and set new goals?  Why in January would it be any different than August?  Because it feels like a clean slate.  And it is.  It's a new year.  I have some goals (I refuse to call them resolutions) this year.

1. Continue my workout plan.  I started working out again in September and feel great.  Just really need to stay consistent.  I'm supposed to be working out right now…so…
2. Keep my voice at a lower octave.  Let me explain.  When I get upset or angry, my voice goes up.  Anyone who knows me, knows this.  I'm not saying I won't let it go up an octave if I'm truly excited about something.  There is nothing I can or should do to stop that.  But I am working on keeping my voice low if angry, frustrated, or upset in any way.  Therefore, keeping me calmer.  I'm sure it'll work.
3. Living in Truth and not comparing myself to others - or - what I think to be the image of others.  Not believing the enemies lies.  Easy, right?!  We each have our own story.  None of our stories are the same.  My goal is to keep my eyes focused on God and his story for me.  Comparison gnaws and discourages and aches and hurts.  I am working on being ok with my story and not trying to take on the burden of making sure mine looks like someone else's just because it's attractive.  It's probably not what I think it is anyways.  Social media can get me almost every time.  So, I'm just going to look at the cute pictures and witty commentary.  Not what I'm "missing" out on.  Because I'm not missing out.  Just think I am.  See, it's a goal…I'll work on it.

I can do these things.  I know I can.  At least for this week.  But…He can do these things in me and make a change in me.  It's not me that has the power.  I just need to give it to Him.  Surrender, I believe, is the word I'm looking for.  Words for this year.  Focus and surrender.  Maybe I should just put those as my 2 goals and the rest will fall into place.  I'll think about it.